(fake) The only time your friends will care about you

Here's just a random topic to throw around. I'm just making this for fun (although some cases aren't exactly funny, but this is not for the serious parts) so here's a petty joke-poke rant.

Here's a list of things I can think of that so-called "friends" will only care of me about:

-if I die and they somehow heard and noticed I'm no longer alive (short term),
-if something really terrible has happened to me and they MAY have heard of it (short term, and quickly disappear not to help out),
-if I were just about to snap, only to show up as a fool of "justice" for the lols,
-if I were to suddenly turn into a villain and/or do something similar to the case that they heard of it and they'd only show up to just break friendship and hate me for it,
-if I were a masochist and something easy to manipulate with no personal choices with no will of my own,
-if someone is just seeking numbers to add to their own collection of subscribers or such (and will certainly NOT subscribe back),
-if they're looking for something to punt around and ditch after they're bored enough,

Else if:
-they're ghosts; they aren't there,
-they're always somewhere else, doing something else far too intense to care,
-they've actually ditched me and hold no feelings nor regrets for their transgressions,
-here today, gone tomorrow / yesterday's friend is today's enemy